“I’ve seen your sex tape,” a fan told me while I was licking a Dole Whip at Disneyland. The two conflicting worlds I had lived in for so long were colliding in this moment, both literally and metaphorically. I even put on my mickey ears.
“I never made a sex tape,” I said, licking my spoon. It wasn’t meant to be seductive, but I guess it can be summed up as the way you watch the girl from your favorite childhood sitcom having sex on camera and then watching her lick the spoon.
“Don’t deny it! I’ve seen you… having sex,” he whispered, as if he and I should share this moment of humiliation about a movie he’d seen to which I’d consented. was paid for. “You used to go on boy meets world And now I have seen your vagina.
He stood there for a moment, with a slack jawed slobber mouth waiting for me to say something. My vagina wasn’t the thing that shocked him, although if you grew up with that ABC sitcom, I’ll admit it might be a little shocking. But it was more than that. He couldn’t fathom that a woman with a legitimate career wouldn’t be marked with shame for the indiscreet things she did – like everyone else in Hollywood who has had sex on film and gained fame from it.
Hollywood has a complicated relationship with sex and even more so when it comes to the women it serves audiences on a platter. When I was growing up in the industry as part of the Disney machine of the late nineties and early aughts, girls were shown as these sexual beings while maintaining their roles as virginal fools. Were. The studio overlords managed every step, every movement, so that it was enough to satisfy the male gaze but not too much. We were in a candy-colored bubble, watching movies, on stage, and living room broadcasts one day a week and then reruns. And I could feel the energy of young actresses all around me who wanted to break out.
Jessica Biel and Elizabeth Berkley were among the first to challenge their family-friendly images. Men’s magazine cover with jessica almost naked and elizabeth trying to shock show girl, Sex, especially in shows aimed at the American family, was a controlling tool used by studios to make money, so why was there no way for the girls to use their own sexuality to gain fame? ? With this growing sentiment and the meteoric rise of the internet, it comes as no surprise to me that this was the era when the sex tape was actually born.
The only catch was that you had to be humiliated by it.
The formula is as follows: A sex tape is made, “stolen”, and then later leaked and sold for massive pay. The performer, almost always a woman, must always deny her involvement. To be successful there must be distance between you and your sexuality, just as for the good woman sexuality is an out-of-body experience. And unless there’s shame, remorse, and an apology, she can’t be successful selling sex. That’s what the audience wants, diligently coached by the studio heads who feed them this narrative. Watching something broadcast against a woman’s will is voyeuristic. This is tempting intrusion. And it separates his body from his being. Do viewers buy denial? Probably not. But they enjoy the fantasy of being violated while the essence of the virgin fool remains intact.
And it’s all really a fantasy. If you’re a performer in the adult film industry, you know that getting your sexual performance plastered on DVD covers and sold to sex shops for money requires you to sign lengthy paperwork and submit your age with two forms. And the personality has to be proved. ID, all while verbally consenting to have sex on camera as you are being filmed. It’s not hard to imagine that a movie like one night in paris No one was behind the beaded curtains at the local video store without the star’s consent. Farrah Abraham, who became known after she became pregnant at sixteen and MTV filmed it, even allegedly shot her professionally with a porn star, yet claimed it was a leak Was.
Hollywood stars aren’t the only ones who try to milk the system. Adult artists who have made millions by building their name and brand on the shoulders of the industry follow this formula as well, especially when they start seeking the approval of mainstream gods. Lana Rhodes and Mia Khalifa are two examples of women who consented to have sex on film and built massive brands because of it, earning millions along the way, only to dramatically distance themselves from their sex work later. For, as you guessed it… regret and shame. Yet, to this day they use their vulgar names to cash in and viewers who have found them in adult venues use them to sow them in other waters.
But the question is, why should sex be a scandal? Why haven’t we moved on from the archaic belief that a good girl is not a sexual being? In a world ripe with progress and possibilities, why are we still categorizing women on a scale from virgin to whore? While our country and its factions are at loggerheads with each other over every possible issue, the only thing that most hardline conservatives and extreme leftist feminists agree on is that women using their sexuality is bad.
I am asked time and time again why I decided to leave acting for adult entertainment and I always tell them the truth- I didn’t. I am an actress. I have always been like this, whatever medium I act in. Not if you’re happy. There is only one lifeboat offered by the mainstream gods if you cry those necessary tears of shame and remorse.
I am not ashamed, and I have never been ashamed. I entered the world of sex work and adult films with enthusiasm and positivity. When I signed up with Vixen Media Group, a leader in luxury adult content, to be the face of Deeper Brand and renowned female director and artist Cayden Cross, I see a bright future with award-winning projects to collaborate with. Finally, there may be movies of the highest quality that also have the hottest sex and can bridge the worlds of adult and mainstream. Why didn’t the mainstream allow it earlier? Why are they in charge of making sure porn is seen as a lesser medium? And that no one has any talent except for fucking, which is a talent in itself.
Although I was warned about this scary place, I found the adult industry to be a place where I could fully express myself, be creative and use my body as my art Was. How is this different from a dancer or an athlete who uses their body as their vessel to receive and create and express their talents? And why is sex, and more so why are women enjoying sex, still so baffling to us?
I really think that my refusal to give in to the well-established narrative got me so much positivity. Someone once told me that if you are happy and someone keeps trying to shout that you are not happy, they look crazy. And it’s true. When I started this journey, I didn’t have a master plan. It was just me, finding myself over the course of countless months and years and decades. It didn’t start out as a career choice or some thoughtful move, though if you weren’t paying attention along the way and just saw the title”Rachel from Boy Meets World does porn” You can assume that it was so. I find it sad that this notion is built into our cultural narrative, but it also inspires me to speak out.
So, as I finished my Spoonful of Dole Whip at Disneyland that day and looked up at the sky full of triumphant rays, I told my new friend who had just informed me that not only was I on her favorite sitcom, Rather that he also saw something simple near my vagina.
“I know,” I said. “Beautiful, is not it?” Then I straightened my Mickey ears and left.
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